A Death in the Family
Actually, this title is somewhat disingenuous, because nobody in my immediate family has died. However, I did find out that my ex-fiancée’s father died. Apparently, he had cancer. It’s not a good way to go, knowing that you have some disease like that and it’s only a matter of time before you do go. I hope that he was able to make peace with everyone before he passed on. I regret that I was not able to see him before he died.
He was a great guy, a Bills fan, and a hard worker. He was very good with his gardens, and had an enviable lawn full of thick, lush grass. He didn’t mow it as often as he should and maybe that’s why it was so thick and soft. There were the huskies: friendly dogs with thick fur. He did everything he could to help his three girls out, and tried his best to make sure they were raised correctly and well taken care of. He was a very good cook: he made curries and roti that was to die for. Outside of my own father, there was no man I have had greater respect for.
Unfortunately, my respect for him was not enough to overcome the differences between my ex and me. In fact, it made things more difficult when it came time to end that relationship. I remember packing, and seeing him at the top of the basement stairs yelling at me with tears in his eyes, trying to understand why I was leaving. I couldn’t explain to him that his daughter drove me away. I didn’t know how to. The relationship was unworkable anymore, and I wouldn’t deal with any of the antagonism and the drama any more.
She left a message with a family member to call her. I don’t know that I will, although I wouldn’t mind catching up on old times. Maybe we could go out for dinner, have a couple of drinks and some quiet conversation. I’d like to think that things would go smoothly, and the love and care that we once had for each other would come through. It would be a nice thing to have happen.
Realistically, what would more likely to happen is eventually the old arguments would come back to haunt us. I really don’t want to deal with that again. It was a good relationship, in that we truly cared for each other, and tried to take care of each other. On many levels, we were very compatible. We could converse for long periods, go shopping together, and watch TV and movies for hours. We had similar tastes in music, liked going to soccer games, and had a healthy sex life (I still haven’t found anyone that is comparable). I gave my heart and my soul to her like I have never done with anyone before or since. Nevertheless, there were the arguments, the petty antagonisms, the dissatisfaction, the things that she thought I did wrong (people to this day don’t understand her side of some things), and all the other things that weren’t right that broke my heart.
How many times did she tell me to leave in an effort to get her way? I can’t remember. But when I finally did leave, what happened? I, of course, was the one who was in the wrong.
It’s been five long years of not having to deal with it. I haven’t eaten any antacid in a very long time. While my life isn’t perfect, I’m more or less happy with where I am. I’m progressing at my job, a job that I’ve had for three years, and a company I intend to retire from. I have the website going. I’m getting back into shape. I’m even cutting my alcohol consumption from daily drinking to semi-weekly. Things are getting better, and while they aren’t perfect, my life is going in the right direction.
It’d be nice to have her as a part of my life again. It’d have been nice to have not had to get out of that relationship. I wonder where we’d be if we were able to stay together? We’d be looking at our fifth anniversary coming up. We’d probably have children by now. Many things would be different. I wouldn’t have to deal with some of the moon-bats I’ve met since The Breakup; that’s for sure. It certainly would be nice to have intelligent conversation with a chick that doesn’t involve work. And yes, it’d be nice to make love with someone who knows what they are doing.
On a very superficial level, she is still in my life. Unfortunately, it isn’t an active part, and because of that, I was not able to say goodbye to her father, as I did with mine.
So, here’s to you, A. K. Hopefully, your karma is such that your atman will be reborn to a better existence the next time around. I’m sure it will. And to my ex, you can pass my condolences on to your family, especially your mother. I hope they are all well and happy. There’s a link at the top of the page, underneath my picture, that you can use to write me, but I won’t promise I’ll write back.
