M___: The End?
Last night, I saw M___ for the first time in almost two weeks. It was a rather frustrating night. She just shows up when she wants to, and I really have no way to get a hold of her. While she said that she was in bed for a week with a rib fracture, it would have been nice to have known something, especially since I took her to the emergency room when she needed to go.
I knew that she needed to move soon, due to her lease running out. From what I knew, she had until the end of May to move. It turns out she has to be out by Monday, and she doesn’t even have a place yet. Worse yet, I had friends trying to find a place for her where she could have her pets, but since she was in absentia, nothing ever came of those opportunities. I’m also committed to helping another friend move tomorrow, so I can’t even help her if she found a place to move to.
She told me that she really isn’t into having a relationship right now, which surprised me, considering the last time we spent time together. Nevertheless, we spent the night talking, drinking and hanging out. We were having a good time together, or so I thought. I wound up staying out much later than I wanted to.
She had her cabbie friend drive us home. She didn’t want to come over to my place, and she didn’t want me to come over to hers. What really torqued me was during the ride home, rather than sit in back with me, she sat in front and talked with the cabbie all the way to my house, virtually ignoring me completely. I understand that she’s known him longer than she’s known me, but I thought it was rude that I was completely ignored. It seemed obvious to me that he is more important to her than I am. I felt like a fifth wheel, and I really don’t like that feeling.
I like her alot. She’s really attractive, intelligent, etc. But the fact of the matter is what she wants I can’t give her, and what I want she can’t give me. If anything were to happen between she and I, it would be doomed to failure. Add to that the ride home, and I’ve decided that unless she can prove me radically wrong, I’m done. I don’t need the aggravation, especially this early in getting to know her. The frustration would build and build and build, and all I can say is been there, done that, and I want no part of it. I’m not going to enslave myself to someone again and give up too much of myself for ill-perceived happiness.
It’s too bad. As I’ve said, I really like her, and wouldn’t mind spending a significant amount of time with her. I can see that it just wouldn’t work out.
